The “How to Become a Bad Boy” Question
If you’ve spent any time at all around online seduction communities or advice you’ll see this question pop up. A lot. Way too much in fact.
“How can I become a bad boy and pick up a lot of girls?”
For starters, let’s clear up a couple of definitions…
There’s a distinct difference between a “bad boy” and a “pickup artist” that most guys miss.
A “Badboy” isn’t necessarily a pickup artist (although he can be), he’s simply a man who is living life on his own terms, doing his own thing, and, unfortunately, shows little to no consideration for other people in his life or how his actions affect them.
Oh, an important note: while we get a lot of the general kinds of PUA videos submitted here that’s not the average advice I like to see bandied about. There’s a reason we suggest Models as the absolute must-read for anyone who is unhappy with the relationships – or lack of them. Psst – if you haven’t read this already sign up for a free Amazon Audible trial and get the entire audiobook for free. Trust me, it’ll change your life.
(It’s important to note that the “bad boy” gets half of the attraction equation correct, but his narcissism prevents him from being a viable long term romantic partner).
A “Pickup artist” is typically just a nice guy who has gotten good with women. He’s still insecure, lacks true confidence, and bases all of his self worth on how many women sleep with him and how many people like him… He’s just gotten good enough with the “game” of pickup that he’s able to get in a woman’s pants before she realizes that he’s a complete fraud.
Are you sure that you want to be one of these types of men? I sure as hell hope not.
Now, before I unpack what it is that makes (most) women attracted to men and how you can enjoy a more abundant dating life, I want to take a second to dispel the friend zone myth.
Guys act like being friend zoned it tantamount to being chemically castrated by the last woman on earth… It’s not.
In fact, being friend zoned is often your one-way ticket to more sexual experiences than you know what to do with.
Think about it…
Who do attractive women spend time with? OTHER attractive women, right?
If you get friend zoned, then maximize the opportunity.
If the woman in question truly enjoys your company but doesn’t want to have sex with you, that’s fine. Ask her if she has cute friends she could introduce you to.
Hang out with her and learn to understand the female mind. Use the relationship to improve your dating life instead of seeing it as defeat.
To the intelligent man, the friend zone is a place of power, not a death sentence.
Now, with all of that out of the way, let’s dive into the question you are REALLY asking which is, “How can I become more attractive to the woman I desire so that I can enjoy an abundant dating and sex life?”
Well, I’m glad you asked… Because that’s the question I’ve spent the last 6 years answering.
1. Realize that Women Want a Strong Grounded Man NOT a Bad Boy (a.k.a. Be Kind AND Assertive)
Women don’t want bad boys. As many of the guys in this thread have already mentioned, they settle for bad boys.
What women want is a man who balances the best parts of the “Nice Guy” AND the “Bad Boy”.
They want a man who is kind, strong, and compassionate but who has the capacity for (and occasionally expresses) aggression, anger, and disagreeableness.
They don’t want a pushover and they don’t want an ass hole.
I’ll give you a quick scenario to show you what I mean.
Scenario #1: A man and woman are talking at a bar. The woman brings up the topic of politics and mentions that she thinks Trump is a great president (the man does not believe this).
Bad Boy: God, you’re a dumb bitch! How could you believe that? I can’t believe you’re that stupid.
Nice Guy: Oh yeah, I mean, he’s definitely done a lot of good stuff for the country.
Strong Grounded Man: Really? I couldn’t disagree more. He’s been a divisive and unnecessarily polarizing president during a time in our country’s history where we need unity more than ever before. What makes him so great in your mind?
Do you see how the bad boy and strong grounded man are effectively sharing the same truth (That they don’t like Trump), but one man does so by being unnecessarily mean and aggressive whereas the other man speaks his truth and is able to disagree with respect and tact.
Here’s another example to drive this home.
Scenario #2: A bunch of people are out and about in a group and the girl (that our guy is interested in) suggests that they go to a nearby bar instead of their current venue.
Bad Boy: Are you serious? That place sucks! You losers can go over there, but I’m staying right here where the REAL party is.
Nice Guy: (lying) Yeah! I love that place, we should totally head over there 🙂
Strong Grounded Man: I went over there this time last week and it was packed as hell. You guys are welcome to do what you want, but I’m going to hang out here for the night.
Again, the bad boy and strong grounded man are delivering the same truth, but one does it from a place of ego and selfishness and the other does so from a place of truth.
THAT is the difference between nice guys, bad boys, and strong grounded men.
2. Become a Great Conversationalist and a Well Rounded and Attractive Man
Look… Some people will tell you that “looks don’t matter” and sometimes that’s true. But more often than not, your physical and social attractiveness WILL greatly impact your ability to get with the women you want.
You need to take pride in your appearance and become a well rounded man with a variety of skills, passions, and hobbies that go beyond sitting on your ass and playing Xbox.
Exercise, eat well, take a shower, get a haircut, invest in some nice clothes, put on sunscreen, use moisturizer, and get some cool accessories (watches, tattoos, bracelets, etc.)
You don’t have to go overboard here, but taking care of your health and appearance will work wonders in helping you do better with the ladies.
You also need to be able to carry a good conversation, tell captivating stories, and make people laugh.
The best way to develop these skills (other than watching TED Talks, reading books, and watching YouTube videos to educate yourself) is to get out and live a more interesting life.
Travel, play an adult rec league sport, learn a new instrument, go to some dance classes.
Become a more interesting man and you will naturally attract more women into your life.
Trust me, it’s easier to pick up a beautiful woman at a Tango class or in the poetry section of your local bookstore than it is to pickup a girl at a bar or club.
The dating game isn’t rocket science.
Take care of yourself, put your best foot forward, and become more interesting by being adventurous and trying new things.
3. Have a Mission that Transcends Your Libido
And finally, the one trait that all women find irresistible is a man on a mission.
Most men are unattractive not because they are physically ugly or socially awkward, but because they have no passion for life. They have no mission, no purpose, no goals, and as such they are living a half dead life simply going through the motions and trying to get laid on the weekends.
Don’t let this be you.
Find a mission and devote your heart and soul to it.
Whether it’s building an 8-figure business, ending hunger in Africa, writing a best selling novel, or travelling the world, find something in your life that lights you up and excites you.
This will attract women far more deeply than any pick up line or canned trick.
In a world that sedates itself with alcohol, television, porn, and entertainment, dare to be different and live a life that is on FIRE.
Because that’s what women truly want.
They want a man who is leading an amazing and purposeful life which they can be a part of.
Everything else is simply a bonus.
This great answer on Quora.