Why Are Some Women So Negative About The Picking Up Women School Of Thought?
Need a male perspective on a movement I just started.
Imagine, if you will, an army of somewhat nerdy female teenage cosplayers.
They’re all in some awkward stage of their development – so somewhat pudgy,
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spotty-faced, in braces. They like to hang out at Comic Con and dress up
as Xena and Gabrielle while the less socially awkward female members of their
age group are going out with the football team. They alternate between cripplingly shy (on their own) and loudmouthed (in packs) and have all the social grace of foul bachelorette frog on a Real Housewives of New Jersey bender. They’re having fun, though, and they might grow out of it if left to their own devices.
Now someone comes along and tells them about the “Hit On Great Studs” (HOGS) school of thought. It tells them that the jocks will love them – LOVE THEM! – if they could only shed their hoodies and Avatar the last airbender t-shirts and dress up in skimpy dresses. They just need to update their outward demeanor from nerdy comic con chick to “Queen Bee” on Mean Girls. The guys won’t be able to help themselves. Don’t men all think with their penises, anyway?
The girls all rush to get their copy of the HOGS bible. Some can quote entire chapters like poetry: Soon, they’re drunk with power and hit the bars, clubs and college libraries in full force.
“Hey gorgeous.” they holler at the captain of the rowing team. “Don’t you think your ass looks lumpy in those chinos? But you seem like a cool guy. Want to hang out and watch Twilight sometime?”
Excerpts from the HOGS playbook:
The crucial thing is to not be deterred when he is putting up his jerk shield just because you attempted to corner him on his way to practice. He only wants to date alpha females after all, so you better prove your mettle by dressing sluttier next time, wearing an extra layer of makeup, or simply not taking no for an answer. Don’t be the Average Frustrated C… chick. Pursue, pursue and pursue, ladies!
He asks to copy your homework? Indicator of interest.
He bumps into you on his way to the jacks? Escalate your budding physical intimacy and grab his bum. Kino it up to eleven!
He threatens to file a restraining order? Let go of his hand and go right into the next set with someone else. There’s plenty more fish in the sea, ladies.
He acts disgusted that you half-forced a kiss on him when he was drunk? Rationalization hamster at work. He loved it, really.
Your common sense tells you he might not be that into you? Ignore. That’s beta female thinking at work. Kill it with fire.
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This answer originally appeared on this Quora question on Pick Up Girls.
I Can’T Talk To Girls
Hi all, this is Jacob. Whats the most challenging thing in life? Acrobatics? Playing music? Rocket science? For him, it was something completely different talking to girls. Now he knows better, but then…well, listen to his story and youll find out. Like many other guys in school, Jacob was quite shy. He would hide underneath his hoodie and only ever talk to his select group of buddies. You know the type just a bunch of invisible guys that nobody cares about. They would just talk about video games and movies all day, not caring about anything else. At the time, he was content with the way things were.
But that all changed when he first saw Helen. She was a new girl in school, and she was nice and pretty, and he immediately became interested in her. He didnt talk about it with his buddies, because they would surely just have made fun of him, although they ended up noticing anyway. It wasnt that hard, because he tried to catch a glimpse of Helen every time she walked past them.
OF COURSE, they made fun of him, but then they actually wanted to help. They all read some articles from the internet, because of course none of them had ever had a girlfriend. They started to give Jacob dating advice, and it was…questionable. They told him that girls fancy cool guys who are never afraid to show their dominance, or their alpha-status or something. They said that girls never go for nice guys, because theyre not manly enough.
And…he followed that advice. Well, at least he tried to. He practiced in front of the mirror, making faces like an idiot he would half-close his eyes to try and appear relaxed and disinterested, and also tried to control his body language; for instance, by maintaining a wide stance with his shoulders stretched back.
The next part was the most embarrassing trying to come up with some pick-up lines. Jacob imagined leaning against the wall beside Helen and saying something like whats up, gorgeous? Its funny to remember it, but also very, very embarrassing. But that wasnt the worst part. One day, Jacob approached Helen at school, trying to act on all the advice his relationship guru friends had given him. This turned out to be a very stupid plan.
Right from the start, his heart was racing, and he was probably sweating as well. He carefully checked his body language, and then went over to her. He leaned on the wall like he had planned to do while she was getting something out of her locker, and then said something like whats up… The problem was, though, that his voice was cracking like he had been in the desert for a week, and it was as high-pitched as a five-year-olds. When Helen looked at him, confused, he tried to maintain eye contact, but instead he just stared at her with his eyes wide open. At some point, he even forgot to blink, so his eyes started to tear up.
Are you alright? she asked. It was a disaster. His friends were watching from a distance, and by then they just couldnt hold their laughter in any longer. Im alright, he said with the voice of a dried-out mummy…and Helen walked off, confused. At this point, his friends were roaring with laughter.
For days after that disaster, the thought kept creeping into his head that he was a loser who would never have a girlfriend. He saw the more successful guys at his school and felt envious. They were so confident and had no problems talking to girls. Jacob concluded that everything came down to luck you were either born a loser or a winner, and there was no middle ground.
Then one day at school, he started talking to his classmate, Penny, without trying to hit on her or be someone else. They just talked naturally, and Jacob complimented her on her drawings (she liked to draw). He made some jokes, and she laughed. And then they just kept on talking every day. Jacob had never talked with anyone like that before. It was very nice. He enjoyed talking to her.
After a few weeks, he asked her out. Simply, without any pick-up lines. He just said that he thought she was very nice and pretty. Maybe it was a bit stupid, but it was honest. And…she said yes! After a while, they started dating, and to Jacob she is the most wonderful person. He finds it weird that he had never noticed her before. He also apologized to Helen for being weird, and she totally understood.
You might expect him to say something like, you just have to be yourself, and it will be okay, but thats not exactly true. You should be honest, of course, but you also have to be nice. Like, really nice, and not just be trying to act like you are. Confidence is important, but never listen to someone who says to you that you have to be this bad guy to make a girl like you. Confidence is more about respecting yourself and others than trying to behave in a certain way.
If you prefer to read:
hello everyone I’m Jacob what is the most challenging thing in life acrobatics playing music rocket science for me it was something completely different talking to girls now I know better but then well listen to my story and you’ll find out like many other guys in school I’ve been quite shy hiding underneath my hoodie only talking to a group of my buddies you know the type just a bunch of invisible guys that nobody cares about that was content with that at the time just talking about video games and movies all day not caring about anything else but it all changed when I saw Helen she was a new girl in school and she was nice and pretty so I immediately got interested in her I didn’t talk about it with the guys because they would surely make fun of me but they have noticed anyway it wasn’t that hard because I tried to catch a glimpse of Helen every time she walked past us of course they made fun of me but then they actually wanted to help they all read some articles from the internet because of course none of them have ever had a girlfriend they started to give me dating advice and it was questionable he told me that girls fancy cool guys were never afraid to show their dominance alpha status or something the girls never go for nice guys thinking they are not manly enough and I followed their advice well I tried to I practiced in front of the mirror making faces like an idiot half closing my eyes to seem relaxed and uninterested and then trying to fix my body language like holding a wide stance with my shoulders back the next part was the most embarrassing trying to come up with some pick up lines I imagined how I would lean on the wall beside her and ask her something like what’s up gorgeous it’s funny to remember it but also very very embarrassing well that wasn’t the worst part I approached Helen at school traina act on all the advice my relationship guru friends gave me it was stupid first of all my heart was racing I probably was sweating as well I carefully checked my body language like my shoulders in stance and went to her I leaned on the wall like I had planned while she was doing something in her locker and that said something like well what’s up only my voice was cracking like I was in a desert for a week and also it was high like I was five years old when Helen looked at me confused I tried to keep eye contact but instead I just stared at her with my eyes wide open at some point I even forgot to blink some way I started to tear up are you alright asked Helen it was a disaster my friends were looking at it from a distance and they couldn’t hold off their laugh anymore I am alright I said with a voice of a dried off mummy and then Helen left confused at this point my friend stirred laughing like crazy I approached them and said to them that it was all their fault and their advice was stupid I wasn’t really mad at them he just tried to help but I needed to vent days after the disaster I just kept on thinking that I am a loser who would never have a girlfriend I was looking at more successful guys at our school and felt envious they were so confident and had no problems talking to girls I thought that it’s all about luck you either were born a loser or a winner no middle ground one day at school I started talking with my classmate penny without trying to hit on her or be someone else we were just talking and I complimented her on her drawings she liked to draw I made some jokes and she laughed and we just kept on talking every day and we never talked like that before it was very nice I enjoyed talking to her after a few weeks I asked her out simply without any pickup lines I just said that I think she’s very nice and pretty maybe it was a bit stupid but it was honest and she said yes after a while we started dating and she is wonderful and it’s weird how I never noticed her awesomeness before also I apologized to Helen for being weird and she totally understood I guess I should say something like you just have to be yourself and it will okay but it’s not exactly true you should be honest of course but you also should be nice like really nice and not just trying to act like you are confidence is important but never listen to someone who says to you that you have to be this bad guy to make a girl like you confidence is more about respecting yourself and others then trying to act in a particular way share this story because I know for sure that there are people who need some help the same way I did thank you for listening..